Must Haves:

• Aquaphor Diaper Rash Cream. (You can use coconut oil also.)
• Aveeno Moisturiser. (I personally prefer Aveeno over Johnson because I have heard JnJ products dry out the skin. So I dint even try those. I know of some mothers who have used JnJ and liked it too, but I have only been using Aveeno so far and am quiet happy with the product)
• Aveeno Shampoo cum body wash.
• Coconut Oil for body and head massage. (Know of people who use Gingelly oil/Olive oil too, but I haven’t tried those)
• Cotton Wicks or a thin cloth to clean the baby’s ear and nose. (Wicks are those that you use to light lamps, they are very comfortable).
• “Itz been” baby alarm. (This is such an under rated product. I simply love it. Please Google up this to know more).
• Bassinet (Choose those that have changing stations supported by rods that run from the top of the station to the bottom. This will ensure that the station remains sturdy when you change your baby’s diaper. Shake the changing table to see if it is sturdy)
• Car Seat. (Went with the Graco brand that came along with the stroller. Choose a robust stroller if you think you will be strolling around the baby on rough surfaces. At the same time make sure that you can lift the stroller by yourself, without daddy’s help. )
• Swaddler (Though Ashwin started protesting being swaddled, in a month, the 30 days I used it, I used it to the maximum, so it is worth investing)
• Bath Tub. (Buy regular ones, don’t invest in anything fancy)
• Pampers sensitive fragrance free wipes.
• IsoPropyl alcohol to apply after the umbilical cord falls off.
• Pamper Diapers (I tried the Huggies and Walgreens brand also for Ashwin but Pampers suited him the best)
• Bibs. (Buy the thick ones)
• Lots of onesies if it is winter, lots of sleeveless clothes if it is summer.
• Baby towels.
• Pacifier. (Just the regular one…I use the Aveeno brand)
• Baby Thermometer
• Hand sanitizer.(Keep this in your baby’s room as a reminder to the visitors. Know that it is completely appropriate and not rude for you to request your visitors to use it before touching your baby. If you are not comfortable telling it out, you can always stick a print out  on  the main door of your house saying “Newborn at home. Please request for a sanitizer before touching him” )
• Diaper bag or just a handbag that is big enough to at least hold a pair of diapers, some wipes, dry soft tissues, a pacifier, some hand towels and a favorite toy of your baby.
• Mittens.
• Baby Nail cutters.
• Rexin/Waterproof cloth to change your baby’s diapers.
• Tummy tuck. This can be used for various purposes. (neck support in the car seat, tummy time etc)

Nice to haves:

• Johnson’s baby powder. (The only product of Johnson that I use, and I am happy with it. Powder is not a must, but it feels good when babies smell good )
• Camera to capture all the special moments.
• Baby safe ink pad to take the hand prints and foot prints of your baby. (We did this for Ashwin when he was 10 days old)
• Socks of different colors.
• Comb or a brush. (though we don’t use it ever!)

Beyond 6 months:

• Plastic bibs since you will have started solids by then and plastic bibs help hold all that spits out of the baby’s mouth.
• Plastic soft tipped long spoons.
• Sippy Cup
• High Chair
• Exer saucer to keep the baby entertained. (though this is underused in our house. Ashwin seems to like the kitchen utensils better. However it still comes handy when you are in the kitchen and the baby is wide awake and needs to be kept occupied.)
• “Sofee the giraffe” or a rattle or some teething toy. Though I bought all the three, frozen carrots is what I ended up using!

The Unnecessary (We dint see a need for the items below, but since these are still available in the market, you probably may find some of them useful ) :

• Baby Monitor (A Laptop and a tablet, with Skype running on both served the purpose for us…:-))
• Silver spoon. (This is just a keep sake, not of practical use.)
• Swings/Rockers.(Though some of my friends swear by these, so they could be worth a try)
• Diaper genie.(Why accumulate used diapers..:-))
• Make up set in the hospital (You wont have time for it normally, but I know of people who squeeze in time )
• Baby gates (We dint need it in our home at least)
• Activity mat, since most of the bassinets come with a mobile, so it will only get redundant.
• Nasal suction pump to suck out the mucus. (you will anyways be cleaning the baby’s nose during bath, and also after bath with the wicks.)
• Texture Books that help teach babies textures. (Grocery items should just work fine…;))

Must Haves For Mom :

• Maternity wraps for the ones who believe in them. Please do your research here and see if you would wanna buy one.
• The book named “What To Expect In The First Year’.
• A mental preparation that you are going to have to forgo sleep for the first few months. Keep telling yourself that any amount of sleep that you get beyond 2 hrs in the night during the first few months is a bonus! It helps not to be stressed out too much thinking about lack of sleep and just be prepared that you will get very little. Keep telling yourself that is just a passing phase…
• Divine songs to listen to. There are some that are supposedly considered nice to hear during pregnancy. I have uploaded them here. Reciting GarbhaRakshaamkai sloka is also believed to help the mother a lot. Google this up to know more about it.

• Lot of patience…:-)

Must Haves For Dad: (Most of the to-dos for Dad are to be done before the baby arrives):

• (Absolute must) Learn how to use the car seat much before the baby arrives. The hospital will need you to give them a demo before they let you take your baby home.
• Decide on a name, because before you get discharged you will be required to fill a form for the baby’s SSN.It helps letting the hospital do this because it will be too much of a hassle trying to do it by yourself. Another side benefit of letting the hospital do it is that, they would also take care of registering the baby’s birth with the countee.
• Talk to your insurance and get to know clearly about the insurance terms and conditions during the LnD period and postpartum stay.
• Decide on the baby’s paed. Take references from the OBGYN/friends/relatives.
• If you are a Hindu and plan on having a naming ceremony for the baby, arrange for a priest well in advance.
• Lot of patience…:-)

Between the hubby and I, we ordered a Masala dosa, a Vada, and a spicy rice meal. (they have a non spicy version too).

Letz start with Masala Dosa first. Seriously people, on a Sunday evening who takes the risk of serving Masala Dosa with COLD aloo masala? Are you kidding me? Just shows how seriously you take Yelp reviews! Taste wise I would rate it a 4 upon 5, but serving it cold just dint seem fair to me!

Coming to Vada , taste and texture wise it was really good, but the Sambar that came along with it could definitely have been better! The Thali was also very mediocre.The ones who liked the Thali here, should try the Thali at Saravana Bhavan! First of all the “Spicy Thali” was anything but spicy! (to me it dint even come across as mildly spicy) My hubby who has very low spice tolerance levels also felt the same, so this is no exaggeration! Plus, the rice was one solid mass. When you claim to serve South Indian Thali, you simply CANNOT afford to mess up with the rice. Rice HAS to be fluffy and not sticky! This means that you should be able to dig a fork through the rice effortlessly, and the rice particles should have the shiny look and feel to them! It should be so well made that you should WANT to come back to the restaurant for the rice alone! And when you mess up in that department, you better try and compensate for it with good Sambar/Rasam at least. But the Sambar tasted like it was made with Ready made Sambar powder. Who would want to go all the way from Fremont till Milpitas to taste something like that? And don’t even get me started on the Rasam. A mere look at Rasam should tell you how it will taste… Rasam should be a clear liquid, with the right amount of spice and salt. You should be able to see through the Rasam , yet not be able to see the dal particles inside it..But the Rasam here dint even remotely match the above. Instead it had very little liquid and the rest was a “Dal and God-knows-what” sediment. This was at 8 PM on a Sunday evening, so they could just not (and should not) have run out of Rasam to have made something that bad! The kurma served with Roti was ok…just ok..not extra ordinarily good. The curries that came along with it were also below average taste wise.Out of all the vegetables they could choose from, for a Thali, they had to chose Ivy Gourd and Cluster beans? And that too with all the wrong combinations!?! I mean who mixes Kabuli chana with Ivy gourd?. Thatz like making fun of your hunger! When you are not too sure of things like these, a simple Aloo sabzi or a brinjal curry would be your best bet, because you can hardly go wrong in making these..:-) (just a tip) To be fair to them , I would say, the Tamarind stew was made really nice! That was the best part of the Thali…I would rate it as a 4 upon 5 as it was the only saving grace of the meal besides the yogurt! The desert yesterday was Rava kesari…atleast it looked like that was the attempt but that also was a disaster, with too much of pineapple essence and almost zero use of ghee! And no, I am not asking for too much, especially when you call yourself “Thirupati Bheema’s”!. When you go to the one in India , you would literally see ghee dripping from the sweets! I DONT expect you to do that here, but please dont pass off something that bad as Rava Kesari for God’s sake! I would still rate the restaurant a 3, because the service was FIRST CLASS! I would give them a 6 on 5 in this department, Right from the owner to the waiters came across as EXTREMELY pleasant, something which is very rare in the Indian restaurants here. The ambiance was also really good…The restaurant was big enough with enough space between two tables, and most importantly it was EXTREMELY clean and well maintained. Now if only they could combine these with good food, I bet this place could be the next Saravana Bhavan, and I could give them another try! !

You know you have a dad who is NOT as tech savvy :

• When he ridicules mom’s time spent at the computer.
• When he insists that you talk on phone instead of e-chatting.
• When mail only means snail mail to him.
• When he laughs each time you say  “Wall” , since to him wall only means one thing.
• When he simply cant figure out why relatives who already commented on the pics on phone ,bothered leaving a comment on FB on the very same pics again!
• When he calls mom to login to HIS email to see the card his daughter sent HIM on HIS birthday.
• When he says he understands hardware but not software.

When I first learnt that I was expecting him, I decided to jot down every milestone of my pregnancy, and every little feeling of mine in a journal. That journal, which I do not plan to make public, has grown from 0 to three hundred and thirty four posts in a span of nine months So much has happened since then , that when I look back, it doesn’t feel like it was just months ago. Ashwin has been putting all of us (hubby, mom, dad and I) on multiple shifts…However he is an extremely cooperative baby and hardly cries (anti jinx that). Hey I still feel one kind addressing him as ‘him’…May be because I feel he is still too small to be put under the complications of being a girl or a boy. For some strange reason I feel addressing him as ‘baby’ or just ‘it’ makes me feel closer to him That said, I must admit that being a mother is hard work, and mothers should NEVER be taken for granted…there are sleepless nights…there are times when you don’t remember what day of the week it is…there are times when you completely forget about yourself. However the gummy grins of the baby, makes all the hard work worth it. Nothing makes me happier these days than seeing my Simba smile..sometimes at me, sometimes at hubby, sometimes at my mom, and many a times in his sleep. My grandma tells me that he is smiling at the angels in the sky, and I love to believe that. . On the 8th of this month, he will be two months. It feels good to see him do well..He loves having visitors to the point that it hardly takes me any effort to keep him awake. He flashes his sweet smile at some of them, especially when they come with their little girls.

Oh and did I tell you, he makes these strange cooing sounds too..He is talkative. Make that VERY talkative. May be because he belongs to a one very talkative family. He talks in his own language though, and I pretend that I understand it.. He loves being photographed too. I have already taken hundreds of pics of his, besides the innumerable videos..Before sharing, some moments that we captured of his, since birth, here are some nice quotes on motherhood:

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B.

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for. ~A friend’s status update on FB

There is only one perfect child in this world and every mother has it. . ~A relative’s status update on FB

Some of our pics:

Taken minutes after his birth..

Getting swaddled for the first time

All set to leave the hospital for home

Friends visit Ashwin

Some more friends visit Ashwin

Ashwin goes shopping.

Tummy time

Bonding time

My boys sleeping together…

Sending off his grandpa to India

Getting ready for Halloween

Ashwin says Good night

Taboo : 3/5

A documentary series from National Geographic Channel. Watched 2 episodes from Season 1, and found both of them quiet interesting. Made me feel we live in a weird world. Would still rate it only 3/5 because some of the customs they showed as facts were too hard for me to digest.

Dhobi Ghat: 2/5 ( 2, only for the style of narration)

I have no idea what Aamir meant when he said this movie is only for a certain audience. For sure, this one was not for me. Most of the time I kept wondering where the director was going with the movie.I thought there were lot of gaps which should have been filled (and could have been filled comfortably).

My Cousin Vinny : 4.5/5 : A must watch movie especially for the dialogues. I am still rating this as 4.5 because I definitely hope that there will be a movie better than this one. So I am reserving my 5  for that movie.

Other movies which I am planning to write reviews on sometime later are, Paranormal Activity, Saw 2, Cube , A tale of two sisters, Hyderabad Blues (both 1 and 2), and Dor. Absolutely loved these movies.

Here is the checklist: (Not all of these documents are mandatory, but if you go prepared with all these, it is highly unlikely that your Visa request will be rejected. Plus it doesn’t harm to be a bit more prepared, you see..so..

1)Your passport
2)A minimum of two photographs (‘US VISA’ photo format where your ears should be clearly visible)
3) Original marriage certificate.
4)Marriage photo album. (Total of 10 photos should be enough..Take photos showing Hindu dharma-related rituals — take couple of reception photos also …. anything to prove that the marriage actually happened )
5)Marriage invitation card of both the families.
6)Application visa fee original receipt issued by HDFC bank.(ORIGINAL — Green or White or whatever color — carry it)

Thatz about it! There are various sites that have information on the kind of questions you will be asked during the interview.So I am skipping that portion here.Should you have any more doubts on the interview process in general or the documents in particular, do leave a comment. I shall get back to you at the earliest. I can assure you that H4 visa requests go through effortlessly if your docs are in place. The lady who interviewed me put me at ease and finished up the whole interview in less than 3 minutes. She winded up the interview saying my VISA will be dispatched to me within a week.GOD bless her, and good luck to you! .

Before tying up the mango leaves outside my SIL(sister in law) asked me if the artificial leaves that were already hanging outside were not enough..I was supposed to be knowing the answer since I was elder ..Dint want to misguide her though and so called up mom to double check with her..My mom’s theory was artificial leaves were ok only if you din’t manage to get the real ones..Luckily we had already bought mango leaves, so we decided to stick to the custom..But I must say I love the way my mom bends rules for me every now and then..though I keep telling her not to do so, since as I said I don’t like religious compromises..There were some more rituals that were to be followed for the new year that included applying haldi kumkum on a nice clean mirror and tying up a gold chain around it, placing a thali full of uncooked rice and uncooked dal, along with a mango and notes of various denominations..When I was a child I remember my grandma used to neatly deck up a few 10 rupee notes, some 100 rupee notes ..the ritual was to see the thali first thing in the morning on the day of new year…after that she would offer to let the children of the house pick how much ever money they wanted to..I still remember how I would request (read force) my granny to start off with me before going to the other cousins and how I would pick away all the 100 rupee notes before anyone else did..LOL..btw my granny used to be extra partial towards me..she still is! So there was no question of her not acceding to my request..;)

Coming back to my story, we finished all the things that we had to do on the new year eve by around 1230 in the night. I don’t even remember when I dozed off after that. The next day we got up around 6AM. As the ritual demanded went and saw the thali and GOD first thing after getting up. Was wondering if I could go catch up on some sleep again because I dint have a proper sleep last night..Called up my mom , hurriedly greeted her and dad and checked with mom if it was ok to sleep for some more time, which she vehemently denied..Her theory was I could have slept slightly longer but going back to sleep after getting up on a festival day was a strict no no..So I tried really hard to keep my eyes wide open and started playing some divine songs to get myself off my sleep..that helped..The next challenge was to do up the home without a domestic help..because my maid was on leave that day..Supposedly she wanted to go to her hometown to get a voter’s ID..As much as I was tempted to ask her to stay back saying it wasn’t important, I decided not to, realizing social responsibility ..I anyway don’t vote..But why refrain someone else who wants to? So I just let her go..In about half an hour I would have called mom again to check with her if sweeping alone was enough or mopping was compulsory..She said “mopping inst compulsory considering your present health condition..Just make sure to sweep all the rooms and see if you can find an alternate maid for today alone even if it is just for sweeping.”. I replied” Mom please don’t tell me things considering my present situation..if something has to be done it has to be done..So if mopping is compulsory I’ll do it or get it done..Don’t worry”. She said it wasn’t..Relieved I started doing the other chores..washed some vessels for 10 mins took an half an hour break, called up mom to check if the kitchen slab and the gas stove had to be washed..was hoping to hear a no but she was like “Dint you already do it? You should have”..It was then that I remembered her having told me a dozen times the previous day, that I had to..I quickly hung up the phone saying I’ll do it then and managed to clean up the slab also..Finally my cook came over and cooked the offerings that had to be made..this included vadas, kheer, and some chutney, while I cooked rice and dal and got everything else in place before I could offer all these to GOD. Just when I placed the dal before the puja mandap my SIL asks me “Didi do we need to add salt to Dal?” I laughed as much as I could, NOT because I knew the answer but because I found the question funny and sensible at the same time..Called up mom yet again, put the speaker on and asked her if salt needs to be added to which she said “Itz ok..GOD will adjust”…both me and my SIL had a hearty laugh over what my mom said, and we exclaimed in unison “MOM!?!”.. Mom reassured us then that it wasn’t needed, and we finally decided to leave the dal that way..Here I MUST add that I love the enthu this girl shows in doing things the right way, despite the fact that she is a Gujju and is new to the Iyer household. . And like I said my energy levels double on seeing someone with a matching wavelength. Coming back to my story, it must have been like 1030 by the time we finished all this and we both had to rush to our respective offices..Barely had the time to take some quick pics..

Finally I called up my driver and asked him to pick me..Must have reached office around 11 and was already waiting for the evening to leave office..PHEW! Tired soul I was that day, who couldn’t even afford a power nap in between, because there is a belief that all the good you do in the morning on the festival days will not get counted if you sleep any other part of the day except at night..So managed to keep myself awake till 9…Dint even have the energy to watch Uttaran..something that I never give up otherwise…Don’t even know when I fell asleep…Long day I must say, but definitely a day that I thoroughly enjoyed, as I felt I did things to my satisfaction.

Note: I just realized this post turned out longer than I wanted it to..Kya karen..Aadat se majboor ..But on a serious note, I am letting myself be as elaborate only for some more days..after that I have decided to keep my conversations (be it posts/face to face talks/ IMs) shorter..which means my replies would be in the ratio of 1:1 as against the 10:1 it is now..LOL

“Last night I looked up and matched each star with a reason why I love you; I was doing great, until I ran out of stars….”

I still thought perhaps I can get more creative and so recorded a song in my own voice as a dedication to my DH (dear hubby) on this valentine’s day. Happy Valentine’s day Kannan, and thanks for making every day a Valentine’s day for me!!

Iktaara Iktaara..

An excerpt of how we ended up our call:

Chaitanya (Raji’s partner) : Let us meet up to discuss this better Sudha.
I : Oh yes , we should! It was a pleasure talking to you. Would love to work with you on this. (I reserve the last two sentences strictly for ladies, and there is no exception to this rule. It is kind of difficult to explain why).

We hung up after this.

I was waiting for Kannan to get back home to tell him about this very interesting chat. Told him that while the opportunity was anyway nice,  the lady in particular sounded very pleasant and positive, and seemed nice to work with. I insisted Kannan to join me for this meeting as this was to happen on a weekend, to which he willingly agreed.

After Raji got back, she gave me a ring saying that her partner had briefed her on the chat that the two of us had.
An excerpt of our telephonic chat:

Raji: Hi Sudha. Chaitanya(name changed) told me that the two of you spoke last evening, and also mentioned that you could meet. Can the three of us meet then, may be at coffee day in Koramangala?

I: Oh yes! I am longing to meet you. Chaitanya came up with some interesting ideas. Good reason for me to meet you folks. Coffee day works for me.

Raji: Cool! Alright then, Saturday 3PM, Coffee Day Koramangala. See you there.

Soon after this call, I got a mail from Chaitanya which read:

Dear Sudha,

“Trust all is well. Thank you so very much for sharing your profile and it was indeed a great pleasure talking to you yesterday.

Raji also told me about the fact that you mistook me for a lady and we could not help laughing about it. Anyway, let us touch base again on Saturday, to concertize our plans. My wife Raji and I certainly look forward to meet you. “

Now, I am not one of those people who take such incidents lightly. I just cannot convey in words the degree of embarrassment I felt after this incident. I sheepishly replied to the email, bccing Kannan:

“Oops! Obviously embarrassed about the blunder..My apologies.. “

“Is Jeff’s wife also a techie…one of those stupid Microsoft valued professionals?”, I asked Kannan.

“No, I don’t think so.” he said.

Thoroughly intrigued, I kept away the paper I was reading and read the full foreword. It certainly is not a technical intro to the book, nor does it sing praises for the author. It is one of those outside-the-technical-circle-but-related person telling the story behind the book as-is. To me, it looked cute.

I have reproduced the full foreword below (took sometime to type, but I enjoyed it!), highlighting the areas I really liked.

Foreword

At first, when Jeff asked me to write the foreword for his book, I was so flattered! He must really respect me, I thought. Ladies, this is a common thought process error—trust me, he doesn’t respect you. It turns out that I was about #14 on his list of potential foreword writers and he had to settle for me. Apparently, none of the other candidates (Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer, Catherine Zeta-Jones,…) were that into him. At least he bought me dinner.

But no one can tell you more about this book than I can. I mean, Catherine could give you a mobile makeover, but I know all kinds of stuff about refection and exceptions and C# language updates because he has been talking on and on about it for years. This is standard dinner conversation in our house! Other people talk about the weather or stuff they heard at the water cooler, but we talk about .NET. Even Aidan, our six-year-old, asks questions about Jeff’s book. Mostly about when he will be done writing it so they can play something “cool”. Grant (age 2) doesn’t talk yet, but his first word will probably be “Sequential”.

In fact, if you want to know how this all started, it goes something like this. About 10 years ago, Jeff went to a “Secret Summit” at Microsoft. They pulled in a bunch of industry experts (Really, how do you get this title? Believe me, this isn’t Jeff’s college degree), and unveiled the new COM. Late that night in bed (in our house, this is what we discuss in bed), he talked about how COM is dead. And he was enchanted. Lovestruck, actually. In a matter of days he was hanging around the halls of Building 42 on Microsoft’s Redmond campus, hoping to learn more about this wonderful NET The affair hasn’t ended, and this book is what he has to show for it.

For years, Jeff has told me about threading. He really likes this topic. One time, in New Orleans, we went on a two-hour walk, alone, holding hands, and he spoke the whole time about how he had enough content for a threading book: The art of threading How misunderstood threading in Windows is It breaks his heart, all those threads out there Where do they all go? Why were they created if no one had a plan for them? These are the questions of the universe to Jeff, the deeper meanings in life. Finally, in this book, he has written it down. It is all here. Believe me folks, if you want to know about threading, no one has thought about it more or worked with it more than Jeff has. And all those wasted hours of his life (he can’t get them back) are here at your disposal. Please read it. Then send him an e-mail about how that information changed your life. Otherwise, he is just another tragic literary figure whose life ended without meaning or fulfillment. He will drink himself to death on diet soda.

This edition of the book even includes a new chapter about the runtime serializer. Turns out, this is not a new breakfast food for kids. When I figured out it was more computer talk and not something to put on my grocery list, I tuned it out. So I don’t know what it says, but it is in here and you should read it (with a glass of milk). My hope is that now he is finished talking about garbage collection in theory and can get on with actually collecting our garbage and putting it on the curb. Seriously people, how hard is that?

Folks, here is the clincher—this is Jeffrey Richter’s magnum opus. This is it. There will be no more books. Of course, we say this every time he finishes one, but this time we really mean it. So, 13 books (give or take) later, this is the best and the last. Get it fast, because there are only a limited number and once they are gone—poof. No more. Just like QVC or something. Back to real life for us, where we can discuss the important things, like what the kids broke today and whose turn is it to change the diapers.

Kristin Trace (Jeffrey’s wife)

November 24, 2009